The Sarcastic Adventures of Kuno Hinikuna
by VPN
Summary: What happens when you have a sarcastic ninja on the loose? One sided OC x Naruto Eventual OC x Gaara Very slow burn. Story also on Ghost of the Vanguard and Lunaescence under the penname Vampire Ninja.
1. Remember the Name

**(Author's note: I've had this story just sitting around in my notebook since 2007 and I just got back to it. Fixed a lot errors. So here goes hope you enjoy and sorry for any oocness!)**

 **(Disclaimer:I own nothing but my original characters and plot. Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto.)**

It was early afternoon, the sky was filled with dark thundering clouds, the wind howling as the trees swayed back and forth from the force. Lightning illuminated the Konoha hospital, which lightly shook from the force of the booming thunder. The painful screams of a man echoed throughout the hospital.

The man was screaming from all the yanks his hair was receiving from his wife, that was in labor. With every push she made, a yank was earned followed by another painful scream from the man. With a final push, yank, and scream the room was filled with the cries of a newborn child .

It was a most incredible sight.

The sun peeked through the clouds, a small beam of light shined through the window landing upon the happy faces of the parents. As they stared lovingly at their newborn, they could feel that their child would one day do something amazing.

"And that my friends is the glorious day that I, Kuno Hinikuna, was born into your beautiful lives that demanded my presence." Smiling cheekily, I looked at my new established team.

"Uh-huh... Yeah so now that introductions are over with, you guys are dismissed. We'll be meeting at the training grounds tomorrow after noon. See you guys then." With that said my new sensei, Akira Hashimoto, left in a dash, leaving me behind with my teammates Nobuyuki Sakurai and Ryota Bando.

I turned towards Nobuyuki and Ryota. Nobuyuki had burgundy spiky hair that was shaved on his left side. He had short spiky bangs swept to right above his light brown eyes. His clothes consisted of a black turtleneck short sleeved shirt and dark red shorts. His headband was tied around his upper left arm. Ryota hadlight brown hair in a low ponytail and green eyes. His headband covered his whole head, just his short ponytail stuck out from the base of his head. He wore a khaki long sleeved shirt and dark purple pants with black suspenders. Both Nobuyuki and Ryota wore the standard blue ninja sandals.

"Hey you guys want to join me on my quest to find the love of my life? I'm sure he's around here somewhere."

Ryota was the first to answer, "Yeah sure. I have nothing else to do. "

"Wait," Nobuyuki began, "why are you so weird?"

"Because you are! Now enough about me. I know you want to know all about me, but right now we are on a quest. So lets go!" I ran off in the direction that Akira-sensei ran, towards the center of the village.

We ran through the streets looking for my beloved. Searching high and low, there was no sign of him. "Where is he?!" I yelled exasperated, throwing my arms up into the air and looking up.

"You know, if you told us what he looked like we might be able to find him faster." Nobuyuki said tiredly.

"He's got a point Kuno." Ryota nodded his head.

"Well he's tall, dark, and handsome of course!" I giggled happily.

"Um...ok? Does this 'prince charming' of yours have a name?"

"... You know Nobuyuki, I'm not liking your attitude. "

"What? What are you talking about?"

"That's enough out of you Blossom." I put my hand up trying to silence him.

"Blossom?!" Nobuyuki yelled angrily, gaining the attention of a few villagers passing by.

"Now now you two," Ryota began standing in between us, " there's no need to fight. Kuno what's the name of the guy we're looking for?"

I looked over at Ryota, "The name of my future husband is -"

"NARUTO!"

I turned around at the annoying and screeching voice that sounded like a cat dying a gruesome death.

"I told you no!"

"Come on Sakura! Please?"

I grabbed the nearest person, which happened to be Ryota. "There he is!" I squealed shaking Ryota violently.

"Wait! Kuno stop! I'm getting dizzy!"

"Seriously? The Uzumaki kid is the love of your life?" Nobuyuki scoffed.

"Don't be jealous Blossom." I let go of Ryota watching as he fell to the floor in a heap.

"Pfft. Im not jealous! And quit calling me that!" He yelled shaking his fist.

"You clearly are Blossom. "

Nobuyuki growled. "I am not! Besides," he crossed his arms, "he's not even tall."

"He's taller than me!"

"Dark?"

"He's tanner than me."

"What about handsome?" Ryota groaned from the floor.

"Don't you start too Ryota, " I nudged him with my foot, "you were starting to get on my good side."

Nobuyuki muttered something under his breath and helped Ryota up of the floor. I glanced over at Sakura and Naruto, deciding I should get my love's attention away from that ugly pink hag. "Well thanks for your help. I'm going to stalk...er..I mean talk to my future husband. Bye!" I waved over my shoulder.

I ran straight to where they were both standing, Sakura's annoying voice making my ears want to bleed."Naruto!" I yelled grabbing his attention as I tackled him to the ground. "Where have you been all my life?" I cried as I smothered him tightly in my embrace.

"Ack! K-K-Ku-Kun-no! C-C-Can't breathe!" I heard Naruto gasp.

I let Naruto go and helped him stand as he took in gulps of air. I stared lovingly at him, watching his beautiful facial expressions, until someone cleared their throat from behind us.

"Hello Kuno."

I flinched at the voice, distaste being heard as Sakura said my name.

"Hello Five head." she twitched angrily. "Shouldn't you be lost somewhere?" I asked, stepping closer to Naruto.

"I-"

"Or better yet, shouldn't you be fangirling like the crazy stalker you are?"

"Ha! Like you're any better!" She yelled pointing at me.

I stared at blankly at her for a few minutes, "Why are you still here Five head? I thought I told you to get lost?"

She began sputtering. "Come on Naruo, let's get out of here." I said grabbing his arm and dragging him along.

"Wait Kuno! Uh bye Sakura!"

"Yeah see ya Five head!" I yelled over my shoulder.

After walking for a while, I stopped and turned around to look at Naruto. I began to admire him taking in his features, his lovely sun kissed skin, his eyes deep cerulean pools, his hair blond and bright as the sun, his lips... oh his lips.

"...uno." I watched his lips move. _'Oh how I wish to kiss those lips.'_ "...uno." I licked my lips. "Kuno."

Snapping out of my stupor, I looked back up at Naruto. "Hmm?"

"I asked if you were okay?"

"Oh yes I'm fine, but not as fine as you." I winked at him.

Grabbing Naruto by the arm again, I led the way to Ichiraku. Promising to pay for him, I let Naruto eat as much as he wanted.

Once we finished eating, I paid and walked out along with Naruto. Naruto sighed in content, thanking me again. "Your welcome." I smiled at him.

I suddenly stopped remembering that my mother told me I needed to bring home some vegetables. "Ack! Naruto, I'm sorry I have to go! I forgot to buy my mother the vegetables she needed! If I don't buy them she's going to torture my teddy bears and hang me from the tallest building she can find!" I yelled rapidly. "I'll see you love, bye!" I sprinted off as Naruto bid me farewell.


	2. Idiot

"KUNO!" I sat up and tried getting out of my bed, only to end up tangled in my sheets and on the floor.

"Aah! No! No! I knew this was a trap!" I flailed around trying to get untangled.

"KUNO!"

"I'm coming! Hold on!" I continued to kick and pull, but to no avail. "Ugh! I give up. I'll just roll out."

Rolling of my already open door and down the hall in my cocoon of sheets, my name was yelled once again reverberating off the walls."What?" I came to a stop in front of the one yelling my name with such joy.

"What the hell Kuno? Quit playing around!" Grabbing a fistful, my sheets were yanked and I came tumbling out resulting in me banging my head on the wall.

"Ow! Mom what did you do that for?!" I grabbed my head in pain.

"Quiet! I ask the questions in this house. What I want to know is why there is a boy outside my house looking for you?"

"Uh...who?"

"Don't be coy with me! You already know that no other boy should come looking for you unless it's your fiancé!"

"Oh but how could I possibly forget that I'm not allowed to talk to ANYONE that's of the opposite sex, unless its my fiancé? But wait that would mean I wouldn't be able to talk to my sensei or teammates, not to mention the Hokage or my own father. Oh! And let's not forget that when I'm on missions I won't be able to talk to the bad guys and all because of my lovely fiancé!"

My mother's eyebrow twitched out of irritation and before she could retort, I ran to the front door and opened it, only to see Nobuyuki. "Well, well, if it isn't Blossom."

"I thought I told you to quit calling me that."

"Yeah, now tell me why I have honored you with my presence?"

"Very funny. Akira-sensei sent me to get you."

"What? Why so early?"

"Early? It's 3 in the afternoon." He crossed his arm raising an eyebrow.

"Really?" Turning around, I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and it read '3:00'.

"You're an idiot Kuno."

"Ha. It would take one to know one now wouldn't it, Blossom?

Nobuyuki twitched in anger, "Just hurry up and get ready."

I waved my hands, "Fine fine, I'm going. I remember he said after noon. He didn't specify the exact time." Passing my mother, who looked a bit embarrassed for having misinterpreted Nobuyuki's presence, I quickly made my way to my room.

I quickly did my morning routine and put on my white baggy shirt with short fishnet sleeves. Next I put on my black knee length shorts with fishnets and slipped on my ninja shoes. I grabbed my dark teal cloak, that was hanging over my chair, and put it on. I slipped on my black elbow warmers, followed by my white fingerless gloves. Finally I finished off with my headband, tying it around my forehead.

I ran out of room, passing my mother standing next to the open front door. "Let's go." As we were leaving my mother's voice rang out.

"Kuno! Are you not forgetting something?"

Yelling over my shoulder I replied, "Not at all!"

Once we had walked a while Nobuyuki spoke up, "You have a fiancé?" I looked over at him raising an eyebrow. "Your mother said you have a fianc ."

"Oh that! Yeah she's just crazy."

"Hmm, I don't know she sounded pretty convincing." He replied skeptically.

"Yup, crazy is always convincing. " I laughed.

Having finally arrived at the training grounds, Akira-sensei began scolding me as soon as he saw me.

"Of all the no good, irresponsible, sarcastic, stubborn, lazy, snot-nosed, bratty, foul-mouthed, insignificant, dim-witted, insolent, incompetent, and idiotic students I've ever had YOU are the worst." He yelled all in one breath, pointing accusingly at me.

Wide eyed I opened my mouth to speak, "Uh... could you repeat that?"

"Why you little-" Akira-sensei bent down, picked up a stick from the ground and began viciously beating me with it.

"Ow! Ow!" I yelled obnoxiously in pain, "No sensei not the face! Anywhere but the face!" Over the sound of the stick smacking me, I could hear Nobuyuki and Ryota laughing.

Akira-sensei finally stopped beating me as I looked over at my teammates," Stop laughing you little twerps, the least you could do is help me out here!" The beating resumed as soon as I finished speaking.

"Silence! Take it like a man!"

"But I'm a girl!"

"You think I haven't noticed that!"

"Well I'm beginning to doubt it!"

"Are you calling me blind?!" With that said, Akira-sensei gave me one hard and extremely painful final blow to the head.

Falling to the floor, as I clutched my aching head, I looked up with teary eyes. Akira-sensei stood over me. "Now have you learned what your lesson was?" He asked putting his hands at his hips.

"That you hit really hard with a stick." He raised his arm again, his face twisting in anger. Panicking I lifted my hands up,"Yes, yes!"

"And?"

"And..." I began, "...and you're not blind?" I was rewarded three whacks in rapid succession.

"No. What was your lesson?!"

"I don't know!"

Akira-sensei sighed in frustration, "Someone please tell this bumbling fool -"

"Hey!"

"Why she was getting the beating of a lifetime."

"Well I must agree with you on that one," I winced in pain as I stood up, "that was a beating of a lifetime."

Akira whacked me in the back with his evil stick. "Quit being a smartass."

"Geez Kuno, you're so dense." Ryota said crossing his arms.

"What'd you say to me?"

"I said you're dense."

"The only reason Akira-sensei beat you was because you were late." Nobuyuki added.

Deadpanning at them I responded, "Seriously? You couldn't tell me that from the beginning?"

"You'd at least think that you'd be more responsible now since you're officially a ninja. How in the world did you even pass anyway?" Akira-sensei looked at me with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Well they just couldn't bear the thought of not letting the beautiful wonder of Konoha graduate."

Akira-sensei rubbed at his temples and sighed,"I pity your parents. Alright enough with your stupid games, it's time to train."

Standing in between Ryota and Nobuyuki, I paid close attention to what Akira-sensei was explaining. "So today we are going to learn about teamwork. All new genin learn this their first day, after graduating, with their team."

"Well obviously. I don't think you can learn 'teamwork' without a -"

"Don't start Kuno." Akira-sensei said in a dangerous tone, holding up his evil stick of doom menacingly.

I gulped nervously, "Y-yes sensei."

"As I was saying, we are going to be training in various exercises that involve teamwork. "

Two hours passed and we had done three different teamwork exercises, we were now moving on to our fourth and final exercise.

"I don't understand why I have to do it." I glared at Akira-sensei.

"I just picked you randomly. "

"I don't believe you."

"Kuno, the others are going to have to do it too tomorrow."

"But I don't see why I have to do it first!" I yelled kicking my legs.

Our final exercise was what the team would do when one of our teammates was captured and held hostage. I, unfortunately, had been captured and been tied to a tree trunk.

"Quit squawking and hold still." Akira-sensei held a long piece of cloth and came closer to me.

"Whoa! I hope you're not doing what I think you're doing!" I yelled angrily.

Akira-sensei just smirked in response. "No! No! No! No! No! I refuse! Why do I have to be gagged?!"

"Do you want to be knocked out instead?"

Thinking about the aching pain that would come to my poor head, if I were to be knocked out, I reluctantly agreed to being gagged. "Fine, but I'm not happy about this."

Akira-sensei looked absolutely gleeful at finally having been able wrap the cloth around my mouth and gag me. I took the opportunity to take his appearance in while he did so. He had bright purple eyes and light blond spiky hair. His bangs were swept up and over to the right, where he had a braid hanging right before his right ear. He wore his forehead protector in its standard place and he wore the typical Jounin attire. Smiling innocently as he walked away, I glared scythes at Akira-sensei's retreating form, while also noticing a small butterfly tattoo behind his left ear.

After an hour of being held hostage, I had unfortunately been 'assassinated'. Apparently my teammates failed many different rescue attempts and took too long in rescuing me. My 'captor', finally getting irritated at the humiliating loss of my teammates, decided to 'put me out of my misery'.

"There! Kuno has now been killed because you two idiots couldn't figure out how to work together! Every second you waste is another second closer to your teammate being killed. You need to come up with a plan quickly and it has to be executed efficiently!" Akira-sensei continued his verbal beating and began his non verbal beating, hoping to get Nobuyuki and Ryota to understand.

With a final huff, Akira-sensei turned around and threw a kunai, slicing through the rope tying me to the tree trunk. "Tomorrow you better work as a team or there will be severe consequences. We'll be meeting here at exactly noon. And Kuno?"

I finished taking off the gag, " Yes sensei?"

"Do. Not. Be. Late."

"Yeah, yup me no late!" I replied hastily, not wanting a repeat of today.

"Good, now you're all dismissed." With that said Akira-sensei disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Looking over at Nobuyuki and Ryota I noticed they were still on the floor trying to catch their breath after the severe beating they received for letting me die.

Walking over to them I began speaking, "Thanks for letting me die guys. I really appreciate it." Nobuyuki lifted his right hand up and flipped me off, while Ryota groaned in response. Laughing at their expense, I helped each one up.


	3. Missing Love

Two weeks had passed since we had been put into teams. After several days of teamwork training Akira-sensei finally decided were now able to take missions together. Our cuts and bruises were signs of our hard work. They were also signs of Akira-sensei's short temper and disappointment in our failures.

So far we have been doing D rank missions. I've been so busy that I haven't seen my love this whole week! Growling in frustration, I looked over at my comrades shoveling horse manure into a pile.

"These missions suck!" Nobuyuki yelled irritated.

"I actually agree with you for once Blossom." I stretched my back, wrinkling my nose in the process. The smell was overpowering.

"Pipe down, quit complaining, and get back to work. You're almost done anyway." Akira-sensei snapped as he continued his incessant petting of the creatures that left their lovely droppings everywhere.

"That doesn't change the fact that these missions suck." I said.

"Well you have to make a living somehow."

"Wait. What?"

"Did I stutter? You chose this as a career."

"You mean to tell me that I went through all that hard work in the academy, graduated, officially became a ninja, only to become someone else's slave?!"

"Slaves don't get paid." Akira-sensei didn't cease in his petting.

"No but they do get fed!"

Nobuyuki, getting fed up, threw his shovel and began yelling at me. "Kuno hurry the hell up! We still have the other side of the barn to do! This shit isn't going to grow legs and throw itself into a pile."

"Are you sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure that I'm staring at a piece of shit right now." I narrowed my eyes at him.

Growling in anger Nobuyuki stomped towards me, only for Ryota to stop him. "Hey , come on now. Cut it out." He stood between us. "It's like Akira-sensei said we're almost done, it's also the last mission of the day."

"Is it really the last one Akira-sensei?" Nobuyuki asked skeptically.

"Is Kuno an idiot?"

Snorting indignantly I answered at the same time as Nobuyuki.

"No."

"Yes."

"You want to repeat that Blossom? I'm positive that I heard wrong." I stepped around Ryota and closer to Nobuyuki.

" I said yes you're an idiot, Kuno."

Standing in front of Nobuyuki, I pushed him with all my might and watched in joy as he fell into the pile of horse manure. Laughing at Nobuyuki, I heard him roar my name out, "KUNO!"

Nobuyuki quickly got up and began throwing horse manure at me. "Aah! Sensei! Blossom's throwing shit at me!" I dodged the flying poop as Nobuyuki continued his shitty assault.

After a while of Nobuyuki's attack, Akira-sensei was finally able to calm him down. Well he more threatened all of us, including Ryota, with a severe beating if we didn't get back to work. With his promise of pain, we quickly set back to work with Akira-sensei tentatively watching.

Arriving back home, I headed to my room grabbing a change of clothes and a towel. I then went to the bathroom to rid myself of the nasty smell of horse manure, that seemed to cling to my every fiber.

As I washed my body, my thoughts traveled towards Naruto. I miss him so much. I felt agony at not being able to see him most of the time like I used to. My thoughts on him continued as did my shower. I then remembered a discussion I had with my parents, on my infatuation with Naruto.

 _"Kuno, quit playing with your food." My mother scolded me._

 _"I'm not playing with it, I'm moving it around."_

 _My father sighed. "Kuno what is it?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"You usually mess with your food when you want something. So what is it? My father asked expectantly._

 _"Well there's this boy that I like, his name is Naruto and I was wondering-"_

 _"No no no. You can't like the Demon boy, you're already betrothed."_

 _"Getting angry I stood up, "Don't call him that! And what do you mean betrothed?"_

 _"Kuno, honey, sit down." My father said._

 _"No. I don't want to."_

 _Looking at me, he politely said again, "Kuno please sit down." Relenting, I did as I was told._

 _"Now let me explain. Before you were born we had come to terms with the Uchiha and decided to join our two clans. We came to a conclusion and both your mother and I agreed since you were to be born female-"_

 _"Obviously and I'm a pretty sexy one at that."_

 _"you were to be married to the eldest son of Fugaku Uchiha, seeing as you are the child of our clan's leader."_

 _"Which is you right?"_

 _"Yes, but time had passed and Itachi-"_

 _"Wait I'm supposed to marry Itachi?"_

 _"Hold on I'm not done yet."_

 _"Ok, my bad continue."_

 _"As I was saying time had passed, you were born, and we tried to get Itachi to spend time with you, but Fugaku became reluctant."_

 _"Well that makes no sense."_

 _"He began to see some promise in Itachi since he graduated from the academy at the age of seven. Fugaku, not wanting to let our agreement go to waste, decided to have you marry his youngest son instead. An arranged marriage between you and Sasuke."_

 _"Oh, ok, I see... wait. WHAT?!"_

 _"Well at first, when you got a little older, we let you play with each other to see how you faired. You got along together so well that we made it official."_

 _"Feathers! Of all people, you arranged a marriage with Feathers?!"_

 _"Aw! See honey, she already has a nickname for him. How sweet!"_

 _"Mother! I don't like Feathers! I just told you I like Naruto."_

 _"I spent nine painful months carrying you around, you will do as you're told! Besides we had an agreement with the Uchiha."_

 _"But... but they're dead! They won't know the difference!"_

 _"You will marry the young Uchiha when you're of age, or so help me Kuno, I gave you life and I can take it away!"_

I dried myself and quickly got dressed. With my hair still dripping wet, I ran out my house straight to Naruto's apartment.

Upon arriving I began to knock on Naruto's door and called his name. Waiting a few seconds, I repeated my actions. "Naruto, my love, are you home?" Putting my ear to the door I heard no movement.

Moving over to the window from the door, I looked in seeing Naruto's messy room with no Naruto in it. Thinking he was somewhere else, I left to search for him at his most frequented spots.

I checked Ichiraku, the training grounds, the academy and other various places, but I couldn't find him. Growing anxious I turned to the streets and once again I began looking for him.

Unable to find my beloved after several hours and harassing the entire village on Naruto's whereabouts, to which they scowled and said they could care less where he was and they weren't his caretakers, I ran to the Hokage tower. "Maybe the old man might know where Naruto is."

I ran into the building as soon as I arrived, heading to the third Hokage's office. I burst through the doors. "Old man Hokage! We have an emergency!"

"Kuno? Where are your manners?"

"I was counting on yours! Anyway we have an emergency!"

The third Hokage sighed, with a wave of his hand he dismissed a Jonin I hadn't noticed he was talking to. Once the Jonin left, the third Hokage turned his attention to me. "Now Kuno, what is it that you wanted?"

Running up to him, I flailed my arms as I explained in panic, "We have an emergency! Assemble the Anbu! Assemble the Jonin! Assemble the chunin and the genin! Assemble everyone! Naruto is missing and we have to find him! Hurry!"

Staring blankly at me he spoke, "Kuno what did you just eat?"

"What does me eating have to do with Naruto missing?

"Well-"

Cutting him off as I gasped in horror after remembering something. "No."

"What is it?"

"No, you don't think..."

"Out with it."

"..You don't think just because I stole a dango from Blossom that Naruto is now missing, do you?! But it was so delicious! It was calling my name! It said Kuno eat me!" I motioned with my hands.

The third Hokage did something I had never ever seen him do. He facepalmed.

"It is, isn't it!?" I cried.

"Kuno calm down. Naruto isn't missing, he's on a mission."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I sent him and his team on a mission. He should be back soon." Jumping in joy, I thanked the third Hokage and speedily made my way out of his office.

Running down the stairs, I nearly collided with Akira-sensei.

"Kuno watch where you're going, you idiot."

"I was here first."

Pushing me out of the way Akira-sensei continued his way up the stairs, "I don't have time for this. I have to meet with the Hokage. Go home and get some rest. We're meeting at the training grounds at five in the morning."

"Why? I need my beauty sleep."

He growled menacingly, "Go home. I've had enough of your stupidity for today."

As I whined in retaliation, Akira-sensei took out a kunai and threw it at me, the handle hitting me in the middle of my forehead.

I fell back from the force, rolling down the rest of the way down the stairs. Landing at the bottom, I cursed loudly in pain. "Fuck that hurt! Why did I forget my headband?! Ow."

"Next time I'll make sure it's the sharp end!" I heard Akira-sensei yell from the top of the stairs.

Groaning in pain, I stood up wincing as I knew there were bruises forming all over my body. I slowly made my way home, hoping to get some rest.

 **(Author's note: Hope you liked it and sorry for the pun. I couldn't help it. )**


	4. Bodies

Arriving at the training grounds a few minutes early with Nobuyuki and Ryota, I began to to wonder out loud on what we would be training in today.

"Probably more teamwork training."

"Kuno, who are you talking to?" I heard Ryota ask, but I ignored him.

"Hopefully something useful. Like a new jutsu or something like that. "

"Kuno?"

"Leave her alone Ryota, she's finally lost her mind. You might want to be careful it's probably contagious." Nobuyuki sneered.

"My mind has always been lost, it never came back from vacation. Also, the only thing contagious here is your stupidity." I retorted.

"Kuno why are you talking to yourself anyway? We're your teammates, you can talk to us." Ryota stood next to me.

Oh Ryota, ever the concerned friend.

"Sometimes I have to have an intelligent conversation with myself, because there's no one else around to have one with."

"Forget I ever said anything. "

Nobuyuki twitched in irritation, "By all means, tell us what kind of 'intelligent' conversation you were having."

"If you must know Blossom, I was planning your demise."

"Well you guys are early." Akira-sensei came waltzing up to us.

"No, I do believe we are just part of your imagination." I replied curtly.

"Kuno."

"Yes sensei?"

"Start running."

"Why? I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere."

"You are now." Before I could ask, Akira-sensei brought out his evil stick of doom and began chasing me, threatening to beat me.

I took off running with Akira-sensei hot on my heels.

"Run faster!" He swung at me.

"Aah! No no! Go away! Shoo!" I ran around the training grounds dodging between trees and bushes.

Looking over my shoulder at Akira-sensei was a huge mistake. I tripped over a tree root, falling and landing face first, I felt Akira-sensei step on my back.

Rubbing my poor beautiful face, I looked at Akira-sensei out of the corner of my eye. His foot pushing me down to the ground.

"Get off." I tried standing up, but he pushed me back down, knocking the air out of my lungs. "Oof! Stop stepping on me I'm not your damn footrest!"

"You're wasting my time when I could be training you all in something important. Stop being so damn disrespectful or I will personally see to it that you can never continue being a ninja." With a final stomp to my back Akira-sensi began walking off.

I got up and walked after him, rubbing my back. "You know sensei, I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse."

Turning ever so slowly, Akira-sensei spoke dangerously, "... Kuno... You're dead."

"No I'm pretty sure I'm still alive."

And that is how I ended up running for my sweet life once again, only to be tackled by Akira-sensei. He began viciously beating me as soon as he had me pinned down.

I yelled out in pain for what felt like hours, but was only a few minutes. My throat became sore and dry as I continued to yelp and scream in pain. With a final hit, Akira-sensei stood and walked away without saying a word.

I laid in my spot on the floor, trying not to move as every movement made my body ache. It even hurt to breathe.

"Are you going to get up now?" I heard someone speak from above me. _'When did I close my eyes?'_

Looking up I saw Ryota's disapproving stare. I whimpered in pain, not able to find the words to respond.

Sighing in what sounded like frustration, he helped me to stand. "Could you at least **try** not to make him so angry? You know he takes it out on all of us when one of us pisses him off."

I grunted in response, knowing full well what he meant. When Akira sensei's temper flared he would resort to violence.

"I don't know about you, but I would really like to learn something else besides teamwork training." We made our way back to where Nobuyuki and Akira-sensei were waiting.

As we arrived both Akira-sensei and Nobuyuki gave me the nastiest glares they could muster. "I've decided not to fail you. If I do, not only would you fail but I would fail as a teacher. But mark my words I will not be so lenient on you. Starting now you will have to run around the village for two hours straight without stopping. Every day before training. So go now! All of you!"

Nobuyuki and Ryota ran past me, leaving me behind. I stumbled after them, pain shooting up my side from the last massive blow Akira-sensei delivered.

Finally finishing our run, I collapsed on the ground. "You're all dismissed. I won't be dealing with idiots today," Akira-sensei began, "you can thank Kuno for that." He disappeared in a puff of smoke as Nobuyuki and Ryota voiced their complaints.

"Well I second that." Wheezing, I got to a standing position. I dusted myself off and promptly walked away as my teammates left the opposite way, grumbling and cursing loudly as they went.

I arrived early the next day at the training grounds once again with Nobuyuki and Ryota. Ryota was the first to greet me, "Hey Kuno, what's up?"

"It's a direction the opposite of down."

Deadpanning at me he responded, "Forget I asked."

"Kuno you better not mess this up for us today." Nobuyuki threatened as he stood in front of me.

"What the-? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open Blossom?"

He growled, his eyebrows furrowing in anger, "I mean it Kuno. You better not."

"Pardon me Blossom, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn." After that statement he lunged at me.

Nobuyuki tackled me to the ground, with him on top of me he began swinging at me. His fist connected with my cheek several times before I retaliated with my own swing. Both our heads snapped in different directions. Taking this chance I shoved Nobuyuki off and rolled to the side. I made a back flip and got into a fighting stance.

Wiping away the blood from the corner of my mouth, I taunted Nobuyuki, "You call that a punch? Seriously Blossom, my dead grandmother's rotting corpse can punch harder than you."

"Why you-" This time I was ready for Nobuyuki, he came running at me with a closed fist.

I maneuvered out of his way, blocking and countering the oncoming flurry of attacks. Nobuyuki grabbed my arm as I returned my own punch, flipped me over and slammed me to the ground. My back protested in pain as I twisted and kicked his legs out from under him. Rolling away I stood back up, Nobuyuki following suit.

Several more minutes passed as we continued to fight, until I was able to land a swift kick into Nobuyuki's stomach. I quickly jumped on his back as he doubled over in pain.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his hips. Once I had a good grip I started pulling upwards, causing Nobuyki to fall back in the process.

Landing on top of me, I continued to pull upwards with my arms around his neck. Pushing my hips forward, I felt Nobuyuki tense in my grasp. He began to struggle and tried to lessen my grip. This did not deter me at all, but only pushed me on. Nobuyuki tried one final attempt to grab at my head instead, but his moves became sluggish until at last I felt him go limp.

Holding on to him for a few more seconds to make sure he really passed out, I threw him off of me and stood up. Dusting myself off, I glanced at Nobuyuki before turning to face Ryota.

"Well that was interesting. I've never seen you move around that much before, I always thought you were lazy." Akira-sensei was standing next to Ryota looking rather pleased with what had just occurred.

"You say I'm lazy, but I'm just saving my energy." I gave Akira-sensei a toothy grin.

"Right." He deadpanned. "Where did you learn to do that anyway?"

"Oh I used to do it to Feathers all the time when we would play together. "

Ryota cocked his head to the side, his green eyes questioning. "Feathers?"

"Yeah Feathers. You know black spiky hair that resembles a bird's butt feathers, super pale, girls are all in love with him."

"Uh no not coming up with anything." Ryota shook his head.

"It's alright don't think too hard about it, you might hurt your brain." I told Ryota.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I heard a groan from behind. Looking back, Nobuyuki began to stir.

"Aah! It lives!" I screamed pointing at him.

 **(Author's note: so that whole part about an "intelligent conversation" came from my mom. She was talking to herself one day and my dad asked her why she was talking to herself, that was her answer. Anyway I hope you enjoyed!)**


	5. Boys Just Want To Fight

**(Author's notes: I was going to wait a while until I posted this chapter up, but what the hell here goes. Sorry for any OCCness!)**

Finally.

Finally today I would be able to see my love. Naruto was finally coming home from his mission and I would be able to see him.

I couldn't wait to see if he had learned how to climb trees using chakra. Akira-sensei showed us how to climb trees by focusing chakra on our feet this past week. I was able to do it on my first try, seeing as part of my clan's kekkai genkai is chakra absorption and expulsion and also immunity to genjutsu.

I ran towards team seven's training grounds, knowing full well that that's where Naruto would be.

Arriving at the training grounds I didn't see my beloved Naruto, instead I came across my worst nightmare.

Sasuke.

"Well if it isn't Feathers. How unfortunate it is to see you today." I frowned.

"I could say the same thing." His monotone voice grated my nerves.

"Yes well if you could, you know, just _disappear_ that would be amazing."

"And miss out on being able to beat you? I don't think so."

"Careful now Feathers. You don't want to say something you'll regret."

"Regret?" He scoffed. "The only thing I regret is having to talk to you."

"Keep talking, maybe one day you'll say something intelligent." I crossed my arms.

"I know you've always been stupid, but today you're making a special effort."

"Haha. In order for you to insult me I would have to value your opinion. Nice try though."

"Hn. Whatever I don't have time for this." Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets, turned around, and walked away.

"Oi! Where are you going?! Come back here! I didn't say you could leave!" I grabbed a rock from the ground and threw it at Sasuke's retreating form.

The rock collided with the back of Sasuke's head. He stopped walking upon its impact.

In a blink of an eye he was a few inches in front of me, he brought a kunai up and held it to my throat.

"Do you want to die?" He growled.

"Why of course! But only of old age." I grabbed the arm that was holding the kunai up to my throat and kicked Sasuke in the stomach. He bent over, giving me enough time to jump away as he slashed the air.

He threw his kunai at me, I grabbed my own kunai and threw it. Both knives collided and fell to the ground. Within seconds he was once again in front of me, my head snapped back and I went flying backwards. I hit the ground and rolled a distance away.

Coming to a stop, I stood up in time to block a kick to my head. I blocked a few more kicks, then I grabbed Sasuke's leg and quickly pushed him forward causing him to fall backwards. He easily flipped backwards and stood back up.

I grabbed a few shurikens and began throwing them at him, hoping to hit him. Unfortunately being gifted with such velocity, Sasuke easily dodged them all.

I got frustrated and ran at him trying to punch him. He easily kicked me back, my stomach lurched from the pain and I nearly gagged. Sasuke threw a hook and slammed me on the side of my head. I fell to the floor, a dizzy mess.

A shadow fell over me, "Had enough?"

"Never!" I jumped up, still dizzy, but managed to knock him in the face with my head.

Sasuke grabbed at his nose and stumbled back a bit. Taking this opportunity, I dizzily punched him several times in the stomach. I grabbed his arms and kicked him back, smiling gleefully as he flew a distance away.

"Just like old times, eh Feathers?" I dusted my hands and shook my head to get rid of the dizzy spell.

He got on one knee and wiped the blood from his nose, giving me the deadliest glare he could muster.

"What?"

"After all these years I'm still kicking your ass." I smirked, putting a hand on my hip.

Sasuke visibly tensed, he looked down and looked right back up. His eyes were now red and shining with murder.

"Oh wow, you FINALLY activated your sharingan? Congratulations. Just remember it doesn't work on me." I crossed my arms.

Not heeding my warning Sasuke once again ran at me full force, I took out a spare kunai and met him halfway. Sparks flew as our kunais collided. He was growling as he pushed against my kunai.

"What are you a dog? You're not intimidating me." He bared his teeth and pushed harder.

"Quit growling." I narrowed my eyes at him when he growled again.

"I said stop **growling** Feathers!" I concentrated chakra in my right foot and kicked Sasuke, making sure to release my chakra as soon as my foot made contact with his stomach. He flew back again a few yards away, landing perfectly and clutching his stomach.

Smirking triumphantly, I got back in a fighting stance. I motioned to Sasuke to come at me. Not needing any other incentive he rushed at me, jumped in the air, and made some hands signs.

Sasuke put his hand up to his face and blew out a fireball. My eyes grew wide and I put my hands in front of me, trying to absorb the chakra flame. I jumped to the side while doing so. Unable to absorb all of the chakra, the rest of the fire engulfed where I had once stood.

I grimaced looking at the burning flame. Feeling heat at my back, I looked back and noticed my cloak had caught fire on the bottom. I quickly took it off and began stomping the fire out.

"Aw! No! This was my favorite one! Damn it Feathers!"

"You shouldn't turn your back on your opponent."

"Wha-" I was cut off as I was tackled from behind.

We both rolled a distance as we wrestled each other. We both tried getting the upper hand. I elbowed Sasuke in the ribs, rolled a bit away as he pulled back from being on top of me.

I pounced on him, once he stood up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his hips. I pulled back and fell to the ground, upon impact a small cloud of smoke appeared where Sasuke was in my grasp. Once it cleared I noticed Sasuke was no longer in my grasp, but a log was.

"Damn it! Substitution jutsu." I threw the log off and stood up, as soon as I did I was tackled once again.

Sasuke was once again on top of me, wrestling with me to pin down my hands, anger showed on his face. His brows furrowed and he bared his teeth once more. Sweat was starting to run down both our faces and we were both trying to catch our breaths.

"I'm getting rather tired of this Feathers!" I focused some chakra and palmed Sasuke in the face, causing his head to snap to the left. I then focused all my chakra at my core and expulsed it, the force pushing Sasuke off of me.

I jumped up panting hard, wiping the sweat from my face. Sasuke ran at me again and began to kick and throw punches. He landed several hits and his final kick landed me on the floor.

Taking the opportunity, Sasuke pounced on me. He grabbed my wrists and held them on the side of my head, he then pinned my legs down with his knees.

"Now have you had enough?" Sasuke growled putting his face close to mine.

Smiling deviously I cocked an eyebrow, "Why Sasuke I thought we were going to wait until the wedding night?"

"What?" His grip loosened just a little.

"My parents would be so ashamed and angry to know that you didn't wait. Taking advantage of little ol' me."

I had never seen Sasuke scramble on to his feet so quickly. I laughed as he hastily backed away with a look of disgust just in time for Sakura and Naruto to burst out of the trees.

Both their gazes went straight to Sasuke then to me. Sakura narrowed her eyes at me while speaking to Sasuke and inching ever so close to him, "Sasuke-kun is everything okay?"

Sasuke completely ignored her.

"Everything's much better now that Naruto's here." I got up and hugged Naruto.

"Oh! Kuno what are you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"Waiting for you my love." I squeezed him and rubbed my cheek on his.

"Really? What for?"

"Well I was going to treat you to some ramen!"

He turned in my embrace to face me, "What?! Ramen?!"

"Yes, you deserve it." Letting Naruto go, he swiftly turned towards the village.

"Alright then let's go!" He pumped a fist in the air.

We walked a few steps before Sakura's annoying voice called out, "Hey Naruto! Where are you going? Kakashi-sensei's going to be here soon."

Naruto's whole demeanor changed. He slumped forward in defeat and whined. He turned back around and walked right back to where Sasuke and Sakura were standing. The latter had a smug smirk on her face.

"You know Kakashi-sensei will be angry if we're not here when he arrives." Sakura began to scold Naruto.

"He's always late! It shouldn't matter! "

Both Naruto and Sakura began to bicker back and forth. I looked over at Sasuke, he was leaning against a tree with his arms crossed. We made eye contact and he raised a brow questioningly. I smirked back in response.

Sliding right up to him, I smiled mischievously.

"Why my dearest Feathers, why are you over here by your lonesome?" I draped myself over him. He grunted in annoyance.

"Feathers I was thinking about our future. How many children we would have and what their names would be." I talked loudly enough for Sakura to hear.

Sakura turned towards us both, anger adorned her face. "Eck! Kuno! Get your dirty hands off my Sasuke!"

"What? _Your_ Feathers? I do believe he is _my_ Feathers. After all he is my fiancé."

Her face turned red. I loved making her angry and jealous.

"Now that you're done yelling at my love.." I stood between her and Naruto. "Move." I pushed Sakura away.

I grabbed Naruto's attention by asking him about his recent mission. At first he looked sad then began to tell me everything that happened on his mission to the Land of Waves. He described in great detail how he fought against Zabuza and Haku. "I thought Sasuke died and I lost it."

"Really? I would have lost it too if he had died." Albeit I would have lost it from utter joy.

Naruto finished his tale and I hugged him once again. "You're a hero Naruto!"


	6. My Favorite Kunoichi

**(Author's Note: sorry for not posting this up sooner! I've been busy with work and I've just started playing Ark Survival Evolved. It's super addictive. Lol. Also I had typed up chapter 7 but I don't like how it came out, it feels too rushed so I scrapped it and I'm going to rewrite it. It might be a while so please be patient! Thank you!)**

"Chunin exams?!"

"Chunin exams."

"Chunin... exams."

"Yes chunin exams."

"Chu..nin..ex..ams."

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!"

"Kuno stop repeating me you damn fool." Akira-sensei glared at me from across the table.

Akira -sensei told my team and I to meet him at the Barbecue restaurant, which were now situated in. He explained to us that the Chunin exams were to be taking place in a few days.

"So are we going to be in the Chunin exams?" Ryota asked from beside me.

"No." Was Akira-sensei's curt reply as the waitress brought us our food.

"Why not?!" Nobuyuki burst out as soon as the waitress left.

"You're not ready."

"We're not ready? Then why the hell would you tell us about the Chunin exams?" I asked irritated.

"First of all you're a bunch of morons."

Both Nobuyuki and I growled, while Ryota happily ate his food.

"You still need more training. Second I'm telling you this because Konoha will be hosting this year's Chunin exams and there will be ninjas from different villages arriving. I don't want any of you idiots fighting with these new comers just because you think they're spies. Is that understood?"

"Yes sensei." We all said in unison.

"Good, now let's eat."

Walking down the street I passed Ichiraku Ramen, heading straight for the river. It had been over a week since the chunin exams had begun. Both Naruto and Sasuke had passed on to the next stage of the exams as well as a few others. They had gone off to train for a month to prepare themselves for the next stage.

I arrived at the river staring at the crystal clear blue liquid. My mind wandered off thinking about how Naruto was moving ahead so quickly. He was able to make many shadow clones, he had already had his first B-rank mission, and he was in the Chunin exams.

Sighing loudly I looked around the area taking in the beautiful scenery. The lush green grass, bushes and trees. A few birds flew ahead and the occasional insect flew by. If only the world could be this peaceful.

I sighed once more.

"What are you sighing about?"

"Oh… I didn't tell you…. Then it must be none of your business." I turned looking at Sakura.

Sakura huffed indignantly, "Kuno I'd appreciate it if you'd stay away from Sasuke. He's mine."

"Ugh Five head don't you have someone else to bother right now?"

"Just say you'll stay away from Sasuke and I'll leave you alone."

"Look as much as you'd like me to, I can't. I'm so in love with Feathers I can't wait to get married and bear his children." I clasped my hands together sarcastically.

Sakura did something she had never done before. She laughed at me.

Staring at her like she'd grown another head, she pointed at me." As if Sasuke would marry you!"

"On the contrary Five head, he has yet to disagree to marrying me." I waved my hand dismissively.

"Why you damn liar. Sasuke's mine!"

She lunged at me and I quickly kicked her back expulsing chakra from my foot, causing her to fly back.

"Five head... If I were you, I wouldn't fight me." I said dangerously.

She got up, a look of hatred adorned her face, "I'm not afraid of you! I can kick your ass in a heartbeat!"

"Ok Five head, I'm going to need you to turn down your psycho for just a bit."

Sakura ran at me, her fist balled up and ready to strike.

I rolled my eyes at her, catching her fist and flipping her over and slamming her to the ground.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." I said in a sing song voice.

"Get off!"

I pinned Sakura down, absorbing her chakra until she passed out.

"Why is it that every day when we meet up you have to be fighting someone?"

Looking up at Ryota, I shrugged nonchalantly. "It's what I do."

"Why can't you be normal?" Ryota sighed, crossing his arms.

I stood up, "Normal? We're ninjas. Fighting is normal for us."

Soon after my little dispute with Sakura had ended with her passing out, both Akira-sensei and Nobuyuki arrived. Akira-sensei, not giving any mind to Sakura's sprawled passed out body, led us further down the river where it became wider and deeper.

"What was she doing here Kuno?" Nobuyuki asked looking over his shoulder.

"Who Blossom?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Sakura."

"Oh! Five head. Well she just-"

"Why do you call her that?"

"Call who what?"

"Sakura. Why do you call her 'Five head'?"

"Well her forehead is so huge you can fit five fingers, hence Five head and not forehead."

"Oh I see."

"And besides The Walking Stick already took Billboard Brow."

"Who?"

"So today you will be learning to walk on water. Just like walking up the trees, it's the same principle." Akira-sensei gave us a demonstration. "Alright now you three try it."

Both Nobuyuki and Ryota stepped forward into the water. I looked on skeptically as they both tried to stand on the water.

"So I guess this means we're not running today?" My teammates fell into the water at my question.

"What?" Akira-sensei slowly gritted out.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't stutter."

"You mean you haven't run at all!?" My drenched teammates stood up glaring.

"If I would have already run, then I would'nt have asked would I?"

Akira-sensei brought out his stick of doom and threw it at me, "Then get going you idiot!"

The stick smacked right into me, "Hey! Why just me?"

"You're the imbecile that brought it up. So get moving!"

"Fine!"

I ran for two hours straight and arrived back at the river where my teammates were still training.

"Alright you two. Now that you have that down, take a break while I train this useless piece of garbage." Both of my teammates walked off the water and sat down under the shade of the trees.

"You're training a piece of garbage? Is that even possible? Garbage doesn't have chakra. How are you going to train it? Where is it anyway? I want to see it." I rambled off quickly.

"Kuno, get the hell over here and on to the water." Akira-sensei pointed to the river.

"But what about the garbage?!"

"NOW you idiot!"

"I'm coming! Geez calm down the river's not going anywhere."

"..."

"Oh...wait. Yes it is."

"... Kuno?"

"Yes sensei?"

"You're an imbecile."

"As are you sensei."

"Take it."

"What is it?" I wrinkled my nose.

"What's it look like? It's paper, now take it."

After having finished training to walk on water, Akira-sensei called us over to stand under the shade of the trees and proceeded to hand us each a piece of paper.

"A paper?" I inspected the brown object in my palm. Half of the paper crinkled and the other half became damp upon it touching my hand. "Do I eat it?"

"What? No! Kuno you're such a moron. Just leave it in your palm."

"Which palm?" I asked tossing the paper to my other hand. I tossed it back and forth, Akira-sensei ignoring me as he gave Nobuyuki his paper and watched the result.

Nobuyuki's paper split into two pieces and then proceeded to ignite and turned to ash. I looked at Ryota's palm as Akira-sensei moved down the line to him. Half of Ryota's paper had also become damp and the other half became dirt and crumbled away.

He nodded his head and moved on to me. He grabbed my wrists and held them in place to stop me from tossing the paper back and forth. He nodded his head once again.

"Alright so I got a team that has every affinity... Yay," Akira-sensei rolled his eyes,"My team has fire, wind, earth, lightning, water, and stupidity."

I looked over at Nobuyuki on the other side of Ryota and clapped, "Blossom you have stupidity as an affinity. Congratulations. "

"I was talking about you Kuno."

"Hilarious sensei, maybe you should be a comedian instead of a ninja."

"Kuno, do me a favor and shut the hell up."

"Since when has hell been open?"

"..."

"And what's the favor?"

Pushing the button on the side of my communicator, I spoke lowly, "Remind me again why we're doing this mission?"

"Because you need the money." Akira-sensei's voice rang through the ear piece.

"Right, I forgot I was a slave."

"Shut it Kuno, I have the target in my sight." Ryota hissed.

"Still. This mission had already been completed by Naruto and his team. It goes to show that the cat doesn't like it's owner if it keeps running away."

"We have no say in the matter. Our goal is to capture it and return it."

"I think, once we capture it, I'll set it free outside of the village. I'd rather have that instead of being returned to the owner. I mean have you seen her! I'd run away too."

"You're setting nothing free or I'll set your soul free from your body." Akira-sensei threatened.

"How about we do that to the cat?"

No answer.

"I was just kidding." Nobuyuki jumped down from the trees and landed beside me behind a bush.

"Will you shut it? Quit playing around. The cat's coming this way."

"What am I going to shut? There's no door here."

Nobuyuki growled crouching next to me. He looked forward ignoring me as I stared at the side of his face. He wasn't too bad looking. His spiky burgundy hair matched his light skin perfectly as did his brown eyes. Nobuyuki was about Sasuke's height and lean. The longer I stared, the more I found him somewhat attractive.

"You know Blossom, I would totally date you if I wasn't in love with Naruto."

"Haha," he replied sarcastically, "who said I would let you?"

"I did, now shut up and let's get back to this mission."

We eventually caught the cat and proceeded to head back to return it to its owner. I carried the soft creature in my arms, scratching its ear. "But it's so cute sensei!"

"For the last time Kuno, you're not keeping it!"

"It likes me though!" The cat agreed by purring.

"It's not yours!"

"But I can make it mine! We'll just dispose of its owner, right kitty?" The cat proceeded to rub its head under my chin.

"Kuno don't make me dispose of _you_."

Unfortunately we had to return the poor cat to the owner. It dug its claws into my shirt holding on for dear life as I tried handing it back.

A small tear escaped my eye as I watched the owner walk away with her cat.

"Don't worry Kuno, I'll get you a cat."

"No you won't sensei." I wiped the tear away.

"You're right, I won't."

"Screw you."

 **(Hope you enjoyed! :) )**


	7. The Beginning

**(Yeah so sorry for putting this up so late. I've had so much work and family drama and whatnot. I haven't had time to post this up but here it is. Hope you guys enjoy, sorry if not much happens)**

Naruto was still sound asleep in his hospital bed once I left his room. He had apparently trained so hard, he passed out and ended up in the hospital. The moment I had heard my love was there I immediately rushed over and checked on him, spending the whole night next to him and not once did he wake up.

I reluctantly left him because I needed to go home, shower and change clothes. Hopefully he would be awake by the time I got back and I could bring him some breakfast.

On my way out of the hospital I bumped into Shikamaru. "Brains!"

"Hi Kuno." Shikamaru nodded his head at me.

"And what is my favorite brilliant genius doing here?"

"Just came to see how Naruto was, I also brought him a fruit basket." He said holding up said item.

I furrowed my brows and scowled at him. "He's mine."

"Wha-?"

"I said he's mine."

"What the heck are you talking about?"

"I know what you're trying to do here and it's not going to work. You can't go in there and confess your love to Naruto with fruit, you have to do it with ramen... And I already called dibs." I crossed my arms.

Shikamaru stared at me like I was crazy. "What?!"

"Like I said he's mine and I called dibs first." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Then why didn't you buy him ramen then?"

"I did! But he didn't wake up!"

It was true. I had brought Naruto ramen last night and put it under his nose hoping he'd wake up, but he was probably too exhausted to do that. I ate it instead and held his hand while he slept.

"He's just my friend you troublesome woman." Shikamaru rubbed at his temple.

"That's what they all say, but I know better." I slid right up to him."So no touching."

I left Shikamaru there and headed home, hoping that he really did go see my love just as a friend.

I opened the door to my home and as soon as I walked in my mother bombarded me with questions on my whereabouts.

"Kuno where have you been?" She called from the kitchen.

I walked over and sat at the table and yawned. "I spent the night with my future husband."

"Oh? Is that so? Funny because your future husband was here last night having dinner with us and you were nowhere to be found. Now I remember telling you I had invited Sasuke over for dinner. Did I not?"

"Who the hell said I was marrying Feathers? I'm marrying Naruto... Feathers can be my mistress." I nodded my head.

A plate of food slammed into my face. The plate slipped off and landed on the floor with a clatter, surprisingly not breaking. I stared at my mother in disbelief. Did she seriously just...

"Why you litte piece of -"

"Did you seriously just do that?" I grabbed the food and wiped it off my face.

"Oh I seriously did." Her face was red from complete and utter rage. "That was your dinner from last night and here's breakfast." She threw the next plate of food and it smashed once again into my face.

I pulled the plate off and scraped the food off my face, "Mom! Seriously! Throw something else. You know I can't dodge food when it's being thrown at me. Throw knives, spoons, weapons, chairs, tables, the neighbor's cat, my dad for all I care! I could dodge those, but food! You've gone too far!"

"My daughter will not have a harem!"

"Who said anything about a harem?! ... Although now that you mention it, a harem doesn't sound too bad. Who else would be in my harem? Got any ideas?"

I lay in my bed dying. My stomach churning and my head ached horribly when I coughed.

"Kuno what are you still doing in bed?"

I looked at my mother through bleary eyes. My head pounded as I moved to sit up. "I'm dying." I rasped out before I started coughing again. I became nauseous as I felt the room spinning.

"Your teammates are here."

"Good. I'll have them write my will before I die."

"Quit being dramatic."

"Ugh mom. Can't you see I'm dying here.? Why won't you let me die in peace?"

"I'll let you die in peace after you tell me how Sasuke's match goes."

"Why don't you go then if you want to know so badly?"

"I already told you why." She walked out the room and went to go fetch Ryota and Nobuyuki.

I could hear footsteps coming closer to my open door. "Here's the drama queen." My mother rolled her eyes at me and motioned them in.

I slowly laid back down and waved my hand at them, beckoning them closer. "Come closer."

I heard my mother leave the room as both my teammates stood next to my bed.

"Ryota, in the top left drawer of my desk there is a purple notebook and a pencil. Grab them. I need to write my will. I'm afraid I'm not going to make it." Ryota turned around and walked toward my desk.

"Kuno you're not dying, so get your sick ass out of bed and get ready. We're going to the arena."

"Fucking Blossom, does it look like I have a sick donkey in my bed with me?" I glared at him and began coughing.

"It seems to me like you're feeling better since you're still as sarcastic as always." Nobuyuki grabbed my mattress and lifted it, causing me to fall out of my bed and onto the floor.

"Gaah!"

"So get up and get ready, we'll be waiting outside for you."

"You're lucky I'm feeling so weak right now or else I'd be choking the life out of you with my blanket." I shakily stood up.

Both Nobuyuki and Ryota left my room as I slowly went to get ready.

"Will you hurry the hell up?!"

"Screw you Blossom.I'm going as fast as I can given my current situation." I coughed.

"Well hurry up I don't want to miss any of the matches."

"I'm slowly dying before your eyes and you're more worried about watching these stupid matches instead of worrying about your fellow teammate." I glared at him as I sped up my walking just a bit.

I stopped at the nearest light post, my stomach churned as I leaned against it. I closed my eyes, trying to keep down my light breakfast. I felt it make its way up my throat and I threw up next to said light post.

"Oh man I really am dying!" I whined.

"For the last time Kuno, you're not dying you're just sick." I looked at Nobuyuki whom just rolled his eyes at me.

"Why don't you just leave me here and come back later? You can tell me how Feathers' match goes."

"We can't. Your mother paid us to bring you."

"What?" I gritted out.

"She told us to think of it as a mission... So our mission for today is to get you to the arena and get you to watch today's matches. Besides you want to see Naruto, dont you?"

My heart fluttered at the mention of Naruto's name.

"Yes."

"Well quit playing around and get moving." I watched my teammates walk away. As I took a small step my stomach churned once again.

I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, trying to calm my raging stomach.

"Kuno." I opened my eyes and Ryota stood before me a bottle of water in his hand. He offered it to me and I rinsed out my mouth and took a small sip afterwards.

"Thanks." I nodded my head at him. "Let's go before his majesty decides to have a temper tantrum."

Ryota just smiled and walked alongside me. I made it to the next light post, before I started feeling nauseous again.

"Oh man. You'd think I was pregnant by how nauseous I am."

Ryota began sputtering, "Why would you say that?!"

I looked at Ryota's flushed face from embarrassment.

"Uh. Don't women get pregnant if they lay with a man in the same bed?"

"What?!" Ryota's voice became high pitched as he yelled.

"Stop yelling. You're making my headache worse."

"What are you two doing?"Nobuyuki stood in front of us with his arms crossed.

"It's Kuno, she said she's-"

"I'm pregnant."

"What? How the hell are you pregnant?"

"Well I spent the night lying with Naruto when he was at the hospital."

"So now you're pregnant?"

"Yes. Women get pregnant when they lay in the same bed as a man. At least that's what my mother told me."

"You really are an idiot." Nobuyuki facepalmed. "That's not how women get pregnant."

"They don't?" I asked. "How do they get pregnant then?"

"Ask your mom. Now let's go."

Nobuyuki turned around and resumed walking. I looked at Ryota and held my hands out.

"Carry me."

Ryota rolled his eyes and kneeled down in front of me.

"Get on."

"Yeah piggyback ride." I slowly got on his back and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Now be gentle with me, I'm a delicate flower and I must be treated with great care. I don't want to end up throwing up on you."

Ryota stood up. "You do and I'll kill you... Veeery slowly."

"You threatening me Ryota?"

"Heh, it's a damn promise."

The loud clamor of villagers could be heard from outside of the arena. My head pounded as we got closer.

"Tell me we're not going inside."

"How the hell do you expect to see the matches if you don't go in?"

"Blossom I don't want to."

"Too bad."

We made our way inside. My headache worsening, but I tried to ignore it looking around.

"Let's go down there." I pointed down to where I could see Sakura.

Ryota started walking down the stairs making his way towards Sakura.

"Heeey Five-head."

"Kuno, where's Sasuke?"

"How the heck should I know?" I looked down into the arena. "Naruto's not here yet?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Do I need to tell the Hokage to assemble everyone again?"

"What do you mean?" Ino asked from next to Sakura.

"Nothing. Forget about it."

Naruto had finally arrived, albeit late, but he was still able to participate. He was going up against Neji Hyuuga.

"Kick his ass Naruto!" I yelled then began to cough as I heard some people jeering at Naruto from behind me. I looked over my shoulder snarling at them. "Shut the hell up, before I make you! I may be dying but I still have enough strength to take you down with me!"

"Ignore them." Ryota jostled me a bit, causing me to become nauseous.

"What did I say about treating me gently? I almost threw up." I groaned.

"Sorry."

Naruto had beat Neji. I cheered excitedly, knowing he was going to beat him I turned around and flipped off the villagers that had dared mock my love. I turned back around since Sasuke's match was to start soon.

I rolled my eyes when I heard the announcement of Sasuke's match being postponed. "Of freaking course Feathers would get here when he freaking wants to."

"But what if something happened to him? What if he got attacked again by-?"

"Who attacked him?" I raised an eyebrow at Sakura.

"No nothing never mind."

I furrowed my eyebrows, but decided to let the subject drop. I closed my eyes, falling asleep on Ryota.

I woke up when I heard Sasuke's postponed match was to start. I wiped my eyes, seeing his opponent appear in the arena.

"Well hello there." I smiled giddily, my eyes raking over his form. "Who is that hottie?"

"Are you delirious, Kuno?" Sakura stared at me in disbelief.

"I certainly hope not Five head, because he is fiiiiiine."

"I thought you liked Naruto." Ino butted in.

"Oh I do, but come on now we can't deny this guy's attractiveness."

Sakura's and Ino's faces contorted in disgust. "But Sasuke's much more handsome."

"Pfft. If Feathers is handsome then I must be a flying squirrel."


	8. Hear You Me

**(Author's Note: Yeah I have no excuse for not updating, just complete lazyness from my part. I kept putting it off saying " I'll post it tomorrow" ...yeah...Anyway hope you enjoy and sorry for any occness.)**

I arrived home, going straight to my room. I groaned as I plopped myself on my bed, trying to rest from overexerting my sick body. I began to cough and heard footsteps coming down the hall towards my room.

"So how did Sasuke's match go?"

"I don't know, I made my way back home about halfway through." I opened my eyes to look at her.

My mother rolled her eyes at me, "Of course. My daughter. Completely useless."

"Well, I had to inherit something from you." I made myself comfortable and kicked off my shoes, groaning in the process from becoming nauseous.

"My good looks and charm." My mother sighed, flipping her hair.

"Ha. Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that."

"I don't understand how you couldn't just stay there and watch." She shook her head and walked out.

 _'WellI am dying.'_ I closed my eyes, but before slowly falling asleep I could have sworn I felt our home shake and screaming in the distance.

Cold. Wet. Cloudy. This was just depressing. I looked around at the mournful expressions of my sensei and comrades, we were accompanied by other shinobis and villagers as well, all of us in rows and in black.

My eyesight became blurry with tears as we all took turns paying our respect for the Third Hokage. I looked to my teammates blinking away the tears, both had strong faces on, but I could see in their eyes, the anguish they felt. He was part of all our lives. Not only because he was our leader, but because he physically involved himself in everyone's lives. He even came to my birthday party last year! He gave me a book on proper etiquette and manners as a present.

I bit my lip, remembering I had only read a few pages from it. Tears began to form quickly once again and I viciously wiped my eyes. It was raining, which helped hide my tears, but not my red eyes.

I slowly made my way back home, evading the puddles forming on the ground from the rain. I stopped at the arena and looked around at all the destruction from the war that had raged on not too long ago.

I frowned at the sight. _'Why did the old man have to die?'_ I turned away and continued back home.

I sat at the table having lunch with my parents after having come home from the funeral. The rain hadn't let up yet and the house was so quiet it made the day even more gloomy.

I picked at my food, having no appetite. I was still sick and when I coughed my mother slammed her hands on the table making me jump.

"This is all your fault!" She pointed angrily at me.

"My fault?! What in the world that we live in are you talking about?"

"If you hadn't left the arena you could have saved him!"

"What?!"

"Now dear it's not Kuno's fault -" My dad began.

"I didn't kill the Third Hokage so it's not my fault! Who killed him anyway?" I interrupted.

"Orochimaru."

"Orochi..." I blinked in realization and horror. "Orochi- _freaking_ -maru!"

"Yes Orochimaru." My mother scowled.

"As in the _Legendary Sannin_ Orochi-freaking-maru?!"

"Do you know another Orochimaru?"

"Ohhh moooom." I slid a hand down my face.

"You could have helped him, but no. You decided to come home and leave him to his fate."

"I'm sick! How was I supposed to know there was going to be a battle breaking out?!"

"You're a ninja. You should be prepared for anything!"

"He's a Legendary Sannin for crying out loud!"

"You could have taken him on!"

"Do the words "Legendary Sannin" mean nothing to you?!" I asked incredulously.

My mother waved her hand dismissively. "Oh please."

"I'm your only child. Did you want me to die?"

"You're easily replaceable."

"Ohhh! So you _do_ want me to die! Well in that case," I stood up, "let me go find that bastard."

Before I could take a step I was yanked back down into my seat. "Sit down you idiot. You're not going to be able to do anything in your condition."

"Condition? You're saying it like I'm pregnant... Oh! Which reminds me..."

I stared at the various pictures on my dresser, I picked up one of myself and my best friend when we were younger. _'I need to send another letter to Maaya.'_

Maaya Fujii was my best friend and was two years younger than me. She had curly light brown hair and honey colored eyes. Her family had left Konoha and moved to a town south of Suna, seeing as her father refused to let Maaya become a ninja. He absolutely hated violence.

I set the picture back down and looked at the rest, coming across one of a young Sasuke.

"I thought I told you to get rid of that."

I jumped and swiftly turned around, "Feathers you sneaky bastard!"

Sasuke picked up the picture frame and pulled out the picture, furrowing his eyebrows in anger.

"I did get rid of _that_ picture." Sasuke ripped it up as I spoke. The picture was of him passed out, courtesy of me, in a purple dress with white lace and flowers. I had gotten the dress as a birthday present and I thought he would look cute in a dress.

I was wrong. _So_ wrong.

Sasuke had refused to put it on, so I knocked him out and put the dress on him. I took a picture, saving it for future blackmail.

"Well now it's gone for good."

I smiled mischievously at him. "Oh Feathers," I whipped out another copy of the picture and slid it back into the picture frame. "I have copies."

He yanked the picture frame out of my hands, took the picture out and ripped it up as well.

I took the picture frame from him again, whipped out another picture and slid it right back in. I set the picture frame down and turned right back to him, a large scowl on his face.

"How many of those do you have?"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "Mistress Feathers, I have thousands of copies hidden throughout the whole village. You would have to burn it down in order for you to destroy them all." I smiled cheekily at him and patted his face.

Sasuke slapped my hand away and stepped back turning a bit. I walked passed him and then noticed the book on my desk the Third Hokage had given me.

My eyes watered as I moved towards it and picked it up. I ran my fingers over the cover before clutching it to my chest, tears falling down my face.

"Are you crying? You better not be."

"It's because- Why did he have to die?!" I sobbed. "He was always asking me about my manners, but I don't know where they went! I keep looking for them and I can't find them!" I sobbed louder.

Sasuke groaned in frustration, "Stop. Ninjas are not supposed to show any emotion, you know that."

"Oh shove it, those rules don't apply to me. I'm the exception, besides I don't believe in rules." I sniffled as more tears ran down my face.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, then poked his head out my door and looked back in. "Oh look. Naruto's here."

My eyes lit up and I wiped my eyes. "Really?" I shoved Sasuke out of the way, barely registering him landing on the ground, as I ran down the hall into the living room.

I looked around not spotting Naruto. I stormed back to my room, glaring at Sasuke once I entered. "Stupid Feathers. Why would you lie and tell me Naruto was here?"

"It got you to quit crying."

"Mistress Feathers you do not _lie_ to me!"

"Don't call me "mistress"!"

"I'll call you whatever I want! And don't yell at me! I'm a beautifully delicate butterfly! You have to speak to me softly!" I got up in Sasuke's face, well as close as I could, seeing as he towered over me.

Sasuke glared down at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Kuno! Sasuke! Dinner's ready!" We both turned our heads towards the open door.

"Coming!" We both answered at the same time and continued glaring at each other as we made our way to the dinner table, sitting down across each other.

"Geez, you two were bickering like a married couple." My mother teased, snickering behind her hand.

I was not amused.

"No no. Not like a married couple. I was just putting my mistress in his place." I took a bite of food.


	9. Happy Birthday

**(Author's Note: Yeah sorry about the super late chapter. Thank you to all my viewers, reviewers, favoriters (is that even a word?), and followers! This is part one)**

I stood at the doorway looking down the street. I whipped my head both left and right hoping to see Naruto making his way to my home.

"Kuno what are you doing sweetie? Your guests are waiting out in the back for you."

I turned to look at my father, "They can keep waiting. I'm not worried about them."

"Come don't be rude." My father grabbed my arm and proceeded to drag me out in the backyard.

"Ugh." I growled. "Let go."

"Go outside. I'll let you know when Naruto gets here."

I looked at him skeptically. " _Promise_?"

He chuckled. "I promise."

I nodded my head at him and went outside in the back with everyone else. I sat down at a large table between Nobuyuki and Ryota and crossed my arms. Akira-sensei sat at the far end of the table speaking with my mother. At the other end of the table there was food and some presents.

I jumped in my seat as Ryota blew a party blower in my ear. "Ryota! What the hell?! Are you trying to make me deaf!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUNO!" Nobuyuki screamed in my other ear.

"Blossom!" I covered my ears, glaring at both of them as I walked around the table and sat across from them.

"Why are you guys even here? Who the hell even invited you?"

"You did you moron." I rolled my eyes at Nobuyuki. "You said if you didn't invite us, you weren't allowed to invite Naruto."

I sighed in defeat. Nobuyuki was right. My mother allowed me to invite Naruto to my birthday party, but only if I invited my team members.

"Well you didn't have to _come_. All I had to do was _invite_ you. There's a big difference." I stood up and walked over to the small koi pond near the far right corner and stared at it.

I twiddled my thumbs nervously. _'What if Naruto doesn't come? He's not even here yet.'_

"Quit that, he'll be here soon." I looked over my shoulder at Nobuyuki.

"You sure? It's been an hour since the party started and he's not here yet." I bit my lip anxiously.

"I'm sure he's just running late Kuno." I looked over Ryota.

"Ok, he better be or I'm trashing this place and then I'm going to go cry my life out in a corner."

My teammates rolled their eyes at me.

"Kuno! Look who's here!" I heard my mother yell excitedly from behind me.

A large smile made it's way across my face before I turned around and looked towards my mother making her way over. My smile dropped and was replaced by a scowl as soon as I realized it wasn't Naruto trailing behind her, but _Sasuke_.

"I thought I told you I didn't want him here."

"You did, but I ignored you. " My mother waved her hand at me and walked away. "Have fun." She said over her shoulder.

"Oh I'll have _fun_ alright." My scowl deepened as I turned my attention to Sasuke. "My dearest Mistress Feathers you know you could leave, right? I won't hold it against you."

"And miss your _birthday party_? I wouldn't for the life of me." Sasuke stated and put a hand on his chest dramatically.

My eye twitched and I opened my mouth to speak.

"I'm going to get something to drink." Sasuke turned around and walked away.

"You know Kuno..." I turned around to look at Nobuyuki.

"What Blossom?"

"No, nothing never mind."

"What?" Nobuyuki shook his head. "Spit it out before I choke it out of you."

Ryota spoke up, "I actually think you like him."

"What?!"

Nobuyuki nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah I think so too."

I stared in absolute horror at them. "Oh now I know you've both lost your minds."

Nobuyuki sighed exasperatedly. "You deny it so much that it makes it seem like you do like him."

"Oh no! I've been found out! Whatever will I do?!" I brought my hands up to my face. "Yes I absolutely _love_ Feathers as much as I _hate_ Naruto."

Both Ryota and Nobuyuki facepalmed, while I snickered at them. "Oh man, if only my grandmother was here."

"I thought you said your grandmother was dead?" Nobuyuki lifted an eyebrow.

"I can't have two grandmothers? Yes one's dead. Six feet under in her grave." I motioned with my hand. "The other is taking her sweet ass time getting there though."

"I always knew you were trying to plan my demise."

I grimaced at the gravelly voice behind me and then I proceeded turn around. "Hi grandma Fumi."

"Don't you 'Hi grandma Fumi' me you crazy child."

"What are you doing here?"

"What do mean what am I doing here? It's your birthday Kuno."

"No what I meant was what are you still doing here living in this world?"

She bristled at that. "I'm going to keep living until the day I see you give birth to a child from the young Uchiha."

"Oh... Well I guess you're going to live forever because that's _neeever_ going to happen." I crossed my arms.

Her eyebrow twitched as she changed the topic, "I told your mother to let me raise you properly, but now look at you." She gestured to me."You need to stop eating so much."

"What's wrong with how I look?" I looked down at myself.

"Why can't you be like that Yamanaka girl? What's her name? Oh yes! Ino. Why can't you be as beautiful and thin as her?"

"And be a literal walking stick? No thank you." I put my right hand at my hip and gestured to myself with my left. "I also don't have to be as beautiful as her, because I'm drop dead gorgeous."

I heard someone snort behind me. "Shut it." I looked back over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes. "Feathers."

Sasuke blinked innocently at me.

"Ah Sasuke. It's so nice to see you." My grandmother pushed passed me, standing in front of Sasuke as I glared at them.

"Like we said, you like Sasuke." Ryota slid up right next to me.

"Yeah sure and my grandmother is a virgin."

"How do you even know what virgin is if you don't even know how women get pregnant?" Nobuyuki raised an eyebrow at me.

"I obviously asked Blossom. And let me tell you it was very horrific." I shuddered at the memory.

My teammates and I kept speaking for a while as Sasuke and Grandma Fumi continued conversating.

We were then interrupted by my father. "Kuno!"

"Yeah?" I turned around and gasped, clapping my hands together. "Naruto!"

"Hi Kuno!" Naruto waved enthusiastically and began walking over, a large smile on his face.

"What is the demon child doing here?" My grandmother hissed lowly.

I turned around angrily, glaring at her. "I invited him. It's my birthday. I'm allowed to have whomever I wish celebrate with me."

"I know, but why _him_?"

I continued glaring at her, "Grandma Aiko wouldn't have had a problem with it. She would have welcomed him with open arms."

Grandma Fumi's demeanor quickly changed and she greeted Naruto kindly as he arrived and then excused herself to go speak with my mother. I kind of felt bad for having manipulated Grandma Fumi by using Grandma Aiko against her, but then again I didn't.

"Who's Grandma Aiko?" I turned to look at Nobuyuki.

"Oh she's my dead grandmother. Super nice. They used to be best friends. I really do wish she was here." I sighed sadly.

"How'd she die?"

"She got sick and they couldn't cure it."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Me too. Anyway... Naruto!" I turned my attention back to him and proceeded to hug him. "Thank you for coming!"

"Oh! Here Kuno happy birthday!" Naruto handed me a sloppily wrapped present and I took it lovingly.

"Thank you Naruto!" I cradled the present delicatley in my hands. "You didn't have to. You're literally the best present I could ever ask for." I smiled at him as he lightly blushed.

"Ok enough with the cheesy pick up lines. Let's eat!" Nobuyuki clapped his hands and ushered us all to the table. I sat in next to Naruto and across from my teammates and Sasuke.

"Naruto."

"Hmm?" Naruto looked at me with his mouth full.

"There's going to be a festival coming up soon and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?" I looked up at Naruto, my face felt hot as I asked him.

"Oh.. Well sure. I mean if I don't have to train or have a mission."

"Perfect!" I clapped my hands. "What should we wear? Oh! We should match! How about orange? Or maybe-"

"Oh Sasuke does your shoulder hurt?"

I looked over to see Sasuke rubbing his shoulder. "Just a crick in the shoulder Katsumi-san, nothing to worry about."

"What do you mean nothing to worry about. Kuno." My mother snapped her fingers at me, "Come massage your fiancé's shoulder."

Grumbling I got up and rounded the table. My mother nodded and walked away to continue speaking with my grandmother.

I grabbed Sasuke and began roughly massaging his shoulders. "I don't know why _I_ have to do this. You have two freaking hands Feathers."

"I hear you complaining but I don't see you stopping." Sasuke smirked at me from over his shoulder.

"Keep talking and I'll make you kiss the ground." I threatened.

Sasuke made a weird semblance of a laugh. I think it was a laugh. I can't tell. Growing irritated I jabbed my elbow into his shoulder and angrily moved it in circles.

Not a sound came from Sasuke as I continued to roughly massage him. I stopped and stared at the back of his head. _'What the hell?'_ I stepped up behind Nobuyuki and did the same thing.

"Aaah! That hurts! Kuno what the hell are you doing?!" Nobuyuki pulled away from me in pain.

I stepped back and tilted my head, staring at Sasuke in complete and utter confusion.

 **(Author's note: I'll probably post part 2 tomorrow... Maybe. If I don't forget. Hope you enjoyed!)**


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